


nothing's gonna be the way it was (i'm down here, you're high above)

by theyoungv_eins



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Hurt with no Comfort, Jack-Centric, M/M, Mention of Ianto's Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 06:38:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18383000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungv_eins/pseuds/theyoungv_eins
Summary: Jack never thought, when he finally agreed to let Ianto on the team, that he'd fall for him this hard.





	nothing's gonna be the way it was (i'm down here, you're high above)

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the most shit title I've ever used, but here it is anyway. From [Pray for Me by You Me at Six](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTE2l2j_za0)
> 
> I started this a long time ago, so I'm pretty sure it started off as something completely different. Unfortunately, I forgot what it was meant to be and ended up just rambling for a long time.   
> As usual, this is probably really disjointed and weirdly written. I hope it's still okay, though.

Jack _loves_ Wales.

There's a reason that, out of all the places in the universe, Jack chose to make Wales his home; at least for the time being.

The beautiful mountainous lands. The coastlines and the old architecture. The language, the accent. Those beautiful _vowels._

Of course, the fact that there’s a rift through space and time that runs straight through Cardiff and constantly threatens the human population certainly helps keep him there.

But Jack's favourite part of Wales, by _far_ , is Ianto Jones. Gorgeous, brave, lovely Ianto Jones.

He never thought, when he _finally_ agreed to let Ianto on the team, that he'd fall for him this hard – or at all, really. But life is never that easy, so of course he ended up falling head over heels for the man. Sure, he knew he had some sort of attraction for Ianto, but it never went past jokingly flirting with him and _maybe_ glancing over at him in the hub every once in a while.

Jack wonders, sometimes, if Ianto knows how beautiful he really is. What does he see when he looks in the mirror? Does he see what Jack sees? The soft edges of his face and his kind eyes, and the way he still looks so young even though he's seen so much, been through so much. Can he appreciate the broadness of his shoulders, or how good his forearms look when his sleeves are rolled up? And what about the curve of his ass as he's leaning over a filing cabinet? Except...

Except well, okay, maybe that one’s something only Jack can appreciate. Ianto always says that he has a one-track mind. He’s right about that, of course.

It’s weird. Because one minute, he’s just Ianto Jones, their coffee boy who cleans up after them and is a lot stronger than everyone thinks; but then the next, he’s _Ianto Jones,_ italicised and in fancy lettering. Jack finds himself catching Ianto’s eye from across the room more often. They spend more time with each other without even realising it, and _it’s not even just for sex_. Although, that is a plus.

So, yeah. Perhaps Jack is quite in love with Ianto Jones. Not that he would say it out loud – better not jinx it.

By anyone else’s standards, it’s not like Ianto is particularly interesting. Anyone who looks at Ianto Jones will probably just see the suit and the coffee. If they saw him on the field, then perhaps they would just see him as a glorified bodyguard.

But Jack knows him better than that. He looks at Ianto Jones and he sees a big heart – sometimes too big for his own good. He sees someone who’s good at his job, who would do anything for his team and for the good of Cardiff. He sees someone who is smart, and kind, and _fun_. He sees someone who he loves; and not just for the coffee, no matter how many times they joke about it.

Sometimes, he’ll be lying awake in bed with Ianto sleeping peacefully next to him, and he’ll think, “ _How did I get here?_ ”

It's not that Jack has a problem with falling in love. It's just that... Well, it's hard, that's for sure. To fall for someone, and then to watch them get old while he stays the same. Or to have to suffer through them not even getting a _chance_ to get old. Learning to live without that special someone by his side again and again.

But he thinks sometimes that it's worth it.

Every time Ianto hands him his coffee in the morning with a shy smile and a "morning sir," he thinks that it's worth it. When Jack told Ianto about his year away with The Doctor, and Ianto just let him talk for as long as he needed to. When Jack came back with Ianto’s car after he helped John Ellis end his life, he didn’t seem to mind at all. Ianto Jones is always understanding. He’ll always be worth it, to Jack.

But then he watches Ianto Jones choking on gas, and for the first few days afterwards, he wishes he'd never set foot in Cardiff in the first place. He would much rather be flung into the sun than see Ianto's belongings around the hub, than to clean up his apartment. Than to close his eyes and see his beautiful face every time.

_Gorgeous, brave, lovely Ianto Jones._

Like the last time and what feels like hundreds of times before it, he wishes he could just die and get it over with. He can’t count on both of his hands the amount of times he’s wished that he had just stayed dead, but he never felt it as bad as he did when he woke up next to Ianto’s lifeless body. Dying next to Ianto in front of the 456 would’ve been just fine, because how can he live like this? How can he save the Cardiff, the whole _planet_ , time and time again, if he doesn't even want to be saved himself?

He does it anyway, though. Saves the world.

Until it just isn’t enough anymore, and that hole just gets bigger and bigger until there’s nothing left of him except grief. Saving the world stops being enough, and so he leaves Earth behind. It’s not like there’s anything there for him anymore.

There’s nothing – _he’s_ nothing without Ianto Jones.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr, [@the-endbeginsagain](http://the-endbeginsagain.tumblr.com)


End file.
